Convincing husband to let me soap

[clueless]

Hi ladies. My husband is totally against me making CP soap. It's because of the lye. He thinks it's dangerous and that something bad will happen. I assure him that people make these soaps all the time and that as long as I follow precaution I will be okay.

I really really want to learn how to do CP soap. Like sooo soo bad! Right now I'm only doing M&P and I make candles etc.

How in the world do I convince him to let me learn CP?

[Guest OldGlory]

What convinced me to make CP was trying it. I bought 6 or 7 big bars at a craft fair in the late 90's and noticed immediately that they did not dry my skin like the other 'soaps' I'd been using. My suggestion would be to buy some and explain that they are for YOUR dry skin - get some fragrances that he will like. Then when he starts using them and decides he likes them, you're all set!

I make CP but haven't done so in years. But I buy from someone on this board. If you would like me to hook you up I promise you will not be disappointed!

[Faerywren]

Against, as in "forbidding you to make it", or "worried about you making it and wishes you wouldn't"?

[Moody Glenn]

Hi Clueless! Offer your husband to work along side you when starting out. Show him the steps involved beforehand in using the lye and all the safeguards you have in place (or will have in place) such as a SoapCalc recipe, gloves, goggles, accurate scale and lye-safe containers. Start out with a one pound recipe. Have him work beside you and take your time demonstrating the process. It's natural for him to be concerned about you but offer to have him work or be with you when beginning to make the soap. Lye is scary at all times to work with but with the proper equipment and procedures you become more at ease over time. But reassure him you will never be careless when using the lye.

Have him think about this - the kitchen, home and outside the home are very scary places. Boiling water burns, hot oven and stove burns, broken glass hazards, possible salmonella contamination, falling down stairs, tripping over something, slipping in the bathtub or shower, driving the car while talking on a cell phone, even mowing the lawn. Just making this list has scared the hell out of me in doing anything!! Seriously though, most accidents occur when we are the least careful and preoccupied with other thoughts. Show him how focused and fearless you will be in making the soap. I hope my 2 cent advice helps you in some way!

[moonshine]

This this is just me BUT nobody is going to tell me I can't do something I want to....husband or not- so long as it's not a threat to anyone else

I totally get his concern -but everything has concerns- and I would tell him you do appreciate his thoughtfulness of your safety but your not going Into completely blind (you have researched) and if he is that nervous about it he can take a vacation somewhere while you try your first batch! lol

Make a list of the things HE does that could be potentially dangerous and if he expects you to not because he doesn't like the idea then you expect him to stop as well

[moonshine]

This this is just me BUT nobody is going to tell me I can't do something I want to....husband or not- so long as it's not a threat to anyone else

I totally get his concern -but everything has concerns- and I would tell him you do appreciate his thoughtfulness of your safety but your not going Into it completely blind (you have researched) and if he is that nervous about it he can take a vacation somewhere while you try your first batch! lol

Make a list of the things HE does that could be potentially dangerous and if he expects you to not make CP because he doesn't like the idea then you expect him to stop his potentially dangerous hobbies as well

Edited November 9, 2013 by moonshine

[Candybee]

There's a lot of truth in what Mooshine says. You should be able to do what you want to do.

[Ravens]

:highfive:

This this is just me BUT nobody is going to tell me I can't do something I want to....husband or not- so long as it's not a threat to anyone else

I totally get his concern -but everything has concerns- and I would tell him you do appreciate his thoughtfulness of your safety but your not going Into it completely blind (you have researched) and if he is that nervous about it he can take a vacation somewhere while you try your first batch! lol

Make a list of the things HE does that could be potentially dangerous and if he expects you to not make CP because he doesn't like the idea then you expect him to stop his potentially dangerous hobbies as well

[Noodle]

I respectfully disagree. I do not know anything about clueless and her husband. However, you had better believe that my husband is not going to do anything that he feels like if I am against it for good reason and neither am I if it pisses him off. This is called marriage. We care for one other- particularly if safety is involved. A caring husband should be concerned about lye. I think a lot of people on this board pooh-pooh the dangers of lye because this is a SOAP MAKING board. Lye IS dangerous. Many seasoned soapers do not remember lye being dangerous because we know how to use it and exactly how to handle it. I agree about having clueless take her husband right along side of her through the entire process. He needs to be educated and his opinion respected.

Edited November 10, 2013 by Noodle

[Scented]

Hi Clueless! Offer your husband to work along side you when starting out. Show him the steps involved beforehand in using the lye and all the safeguards you have in place (or will have in place) such as a SoapCalc recipe, gloves, goggles, accurate scale and lye-safe containers.

I like that idea ... also make sure he knows how to stir. When I tried to teach my BF he couldn't stir without slapping the batter, thus causing raw soap to splatter ... and when it finally hit him and it burned ... well I was like, "Amen, now learn to stir. Stirring is not slapping at something."

[Nikon]

Yes, lye is dangerous, but watch a youtube video with your husband on how to use lye safely when making soap and he should understand better. Ask him if he would let you use drano to unclog a the sink. If he says yes, well you should be able to soap :>

[clueless]

I'm so frustrated I can hardly type! I have gone over everything with him time and time again. And tried watching videos with him and told him I would include him in every step. He flat out tells me NO. He says he won't have that stuff in his home. I feel like I'm a loss. This is something I'm dying to learn and he won't let me. I see CP as an art.It's beautiful and I'm drawn to it. And he is stealing that from me. I haven't a clue what else to do. He actually gets mad at me when I bring I up. What in the world????

[Chefmom]

I'm so frustrated I can hardly type! I have gone over everything with him time and time again. And tried watching videos with him and told him I would include him in every step. He flat out tells me NO. He says he won't have that stuff in his home. I feel like I'm a loss. This is something I'm dying to learn and he won't let me. I see CP as an art.It's beautiful and I'm drawn to it. And he is stealing that from me. I haven't a clue what else to do. He actually gets mad at me when I bring I up. What in the world????

Personally, do to issues I have had with my own marriage in the past years I think that the whole soap making/using lye, "I won't have that in my home" thing is a symptom of something deeper.

Do you have a friend that is interested in making soap so you could "visit" this friend and just happen to make soap in their house? I know that's a bit underhanded and sneaky, but I do feel like something else is going on.

Feel free to PM if you like.

[clueless]

I feel like purchasing my supply and just waiting til he is gone off to work to make my first batch. What can he say if he isn't here? Unfortunately I don't have any friends that are interested in soap making. I really wish I did!

I just can't grasp why this is such an issue for him. I make candles and that has it's very own dangers. As does many other things as some posters have mentioned.

[TallTayl]

How about taking a class outside of the home to learn and even see if you like it?

[clueless]

How about taking a class outside of the home to learn and even see if you like it?

As much as I have read, researched and watched videos I just know this is something I will love. The whole process fascinates me so much! I would love to take a class but I don't think I have seen anything like that around here in my area.

[Ravens]

Ok, this may not win me any "friends", but you have as much right as he does as to what is and isn't "allowed" in your home.

Try compromise, tell him that you will use a dedicated area in your home. Or, depending where you live, how about using a more "open" area? For example, in this part of the Country I could soap outside (covered back porch) pretty much year-round.

Sounds to me - and I could be way off, course, in which case my apology - like a power issue :rolleyes2. If so, you will have to decide how to deal with it. Each one has his/her own way...

Good luck, clueless

[Noodle]

Well, your husband is being unreasonable. His opinion should be respected if he is willing to see the entire picture. He obviously is not and I agree there is something deeper there.

Edited November 11, 2013 by Noodle

[Pam W]

""something deeper""?? like control freak?? - sorry, I know a marriage is filled with compromises but for one partner to say absolutely NO is beyond compromise. I've never been in the habit of asking Hubby for permission to do anything nor does he asked for my permission. If there is something on the table that will affect the household budget, then we do discuss the expenditure but other than that, I am a big girl and make my own decisions.

But in the meantime, order some CP rebatch base from BB and go from there. Personally, I don't want to mess with making CP from scratch: I've got enough addictions as it is, i.e, candles & B&B but I do use BB's rebatch bases and make hubby's shave soap --- scored points there..hehehehe. I use the scents he likes and his razor blades last twice as long as when he uses store bought shave cream...........there are multiple ways to skin a cat.

[Guest OldGlory]

clueless I am really sorry you are at odds with your husband over the issue of making CP. Only you know the possible consequences of doing what your husband is asking you not to do, and whether or not it's worth the risk.

Have you considered buying shreds that you just melt down and add your additives? No lye involved because it's already soap that you just customize.

Big hugs to you. I know you are frustrated. One way or another this too shall pass.

[clueless]

I just don't know what to think over this. I mean, normally my husband is very accepting of things I want to try and is almost always supportive. I can't help but feel like a child in this situation having been told NO. I agree, I am a big girl and if I want to try something, one way or another I am going to. It's not like I'm trying to make bombs or something in our home. He is being completely unreasonable. He told me that I will not be bringing lye into his house. Well news flash buddy, it's my home too. There's just no way in this world he would stand for me telling him NO. I'm going to sit him down one more time and try to figure out what this is all about. If nothing else I suppose he can't say anything if I stand outside in the 40degree weather to make soap. Unbelievable!

I haven't considered buying shreds or base as I really want to do it from scratch. But I may look into it as an option. I just don't want him to have the satisfaction of winning in this case.

[moonshine]

Well I am definitely not going to make friends over my opinion...it's very clear how upset you are over this

He won't have lye in "his" house..... I just think from previous similar experiences in my 20 years of marriage that if you don't try it because he Is asking/ telling you not to, down the road this could lead to another and yet another scenario to where your putting your wants and needs on the back burner- and it will eventually lead to bitterness and resentment which is never a good thing in a marriage

We only get one shot in life and I don't think its fair anyone ask of anyone to not do something for selfish reasons (and I am sorry but I see this as selfish- because it's dangerous...not good enough for me)

and you very well could try it and hate it- but you can't possibly know that if you don't try - and the constant wondering will eat at you until (if your anything like me) explode one day which could be more dangerous than lye! Lol (that was me trying to be funny)

But seriously, I don't mean to make your husband out to be like a monster, he may just be overly over protective BUT it's clear in your post how much you want this.... And how much his adamant no is bothering you

A marriage IS taking each other's feelings and thoughts into consideration but the day my husband "puts his foot down" on something as silly as soap and can't be reasoned with to try it is the day I consider my marriage an imprisonment - not a partnership...again just my thought and opinion

I totally agree with old glory that only you know the consequence and can decide if the risk is worth it

Edited November 12, 2013 by moonshine

[debratant]

Are there kids in the house? Or is it just the two of you? Trying to reason out why he is so concerned about "lye being in his house".

Lye is a serious thing to have in the house...especially if there are kids around. I'm not sure I would be all that confident having it somewhere that anyone besides me has access too either. I don't have kids, so I really don't have that worry, but I can see where it would be a concern.

Maybe he thinks you might try to slip some in his tea when he gets on your last nerve

I wish I had an answer for you. For me...my husband did ask me questions...and he did tell me to keep it put away when not using it. It's no different then I would tell him to do with his guns, so no argument from him there lol.

[TallTayl]

Do you have any friends that would like to learn? Try it at their house?

[Noodle]

Having kids in the house IS a huge factor for many people and this does scare them when it comes to lye. I know a woman with the most awful lye burn and this was completely the reason why it took me years to actually soap even after I had the interest in it. Even now I am the most covered and protected soaper that you have ever seen. That said, I still think that your husband is being very unreasonable by not even educating himself on the subject. I am also not sure what you mean that there is no way in this world he would stand for you telling him NO. ???

Edited November 12, 2013 by Noodle