Soap Grudge!! LOL

[brydean]

Ok, my dh and mother don't understand why this bothers me. So I decided to get the opinion of a completely non-biased group of people! Other soapers! LOL:laugh2:

One of my best friends lives in another state. She knows all about my soap but had never seen it. So last summer I sent her 3 bars and a lipbalm as a gift, she had recently remodled her bath so I thought it was approppriate. I know she has very sensitive skin so I was very careful to choose lightly scented items, with EO. Same soaps that my dh use, with his sensitive skin. I think she normally uses Dove or some such product.

We went for a visit a few months later and she handed me the package back. Said that she knew she couldn't use it and didn't want to waste me gift.:undecided It really hurt me feelings. She couldn't even give it a try? Just use it for decoration? Heck, give it too someone else!

This is still bothering me several months later! I keep telling myself that I'm being ridiculous! But, I haven't listened to myself yet! LOL:D

[eugenia]

Two things come to mind. Your friend is sensitive to scents or she is a liquid soap gal. Either of those two groups are impossible for me to convert. I would not take it personally.

[doris]

Don't feel bad. I started soaping I think in 2000, and that Christmas everyone in my family got a box of soap. My mother died in 2002, and last year, my father came for a visit, returned some of the gifts I had given her over the years, and there was the box of soap.

I personally don't understand why your friend didn't even TRY the soap. It couldn't be the scent, because as far as I know, Dove is also scented. It's her loss, maybe she heard somewhere that soap is made with lye (snort!) and is scared of it. But I think I'd be over it by now. At least she didn't throw it out!

[eugenia]

When I give my M-I-L soap, she puts it in her closets to use as an air freshener. She saves my candles to use after she has cooked something really smelly.

[GrandmaArial]

There are people who won’t ever try real soap. To them soap is something you buy at the store. They don’t know what it’s made out of, they don’t want to know. I have had people get this rather horrified expression when they find out I make soap. They will try the MP I pour in a mold, but the idea of touching the soap I made from scratch seems to make them queasy. But in the same line I know people who won’t eat vegetables grown in a garden. Vegetables are bought at the store, preferably in a can… end of story. The idea of consuming something that grew out of the ground offends them… yes, I know this doesn’t make sense… but somehow they are convinced all the vegetables in the store were grown hydroponicaly or perhaps produced like in star trek magically by a machine.

I know people, yes, I’m talking about adults here, who refuse to believe milk comes from cows, or have suddenly developed lactose intolerance when they learned it. And one lady I know only found out a few years ago that meat is animal flesh. She still eats meat… but refuses to talk about it, LOL. We order a side of beef every year; it saves us about 50% on our meat bill. Good Angus beef. They love coming to our house for dinner but she refuses to order a side of beef. The idea of a half of cow in her freezer and she wouldn’t be able to eat she says. She only buys chicken parts, never a whole chicken now that she knows it once had feathers and walked around, either.

My guess is your friend is one of these people. Nothing you can do to get her to try it. My own husband had trouble accepting the idea of using hand made soap, and it was only his friends raving about my soap that got him to try it. Maybe if her friends get into real soap she will call you and ask you for some. I wouldn’t hold my breath though.

[coco]

I wouldn't take it personally! I know it's hard not to, but different people have different tastes, and I am recently finding that a large number of people simply do not like the appearance of handmade soap. I was shocked when I overheard some friends talking about how they received handmade soap for a wedding gift and they absolutely could not wait until the "ugly" thing was used up and off of their sink. In my office yesterday I actually heard someone use the expression "It was as ugly as homemade soap"! I suppose we can try to look at it as if we bought someone a sweater for their birthday that we thought was adorable and they shoved it into the back of their closet- to each his own!

[Fire and Ice]

I already had two close friends tell me they will never use my CP soap because they think it is dangerous! I did my best to explain how it is made but they refuse. Now if I make lotion or whipped Shea butter, they certainly want some of that but NO home made soap.

One of them claimed she WILL be allegic to every oil and butter in the soap! Granted, she has some allergies but since she doesn't know what's in it yet how can she say?:undecided And she claims she's allergic to Shea Butter in soap but NOT whipped shea butter. Imagine that?

Oh well, their loss, not mine.

Fire

[SpaceGirl]

These people are waaaay sheltered....

I did tell me boss that I know people who make soap and how good for your skin it is... his comment back to me was, "Huh! Maybe I should actually use some of the stuff I get at Williamsburg instead of just putting it out in the bathroom to smell good!"

he also refuses to use a bath pouf -- thinks he'll have to give up his man card.

[soapmom25]

aww, try not to take it so personally, even though it's hard to do that. My family looks at my soaps as if they're some foreign substance, and even when I make cute gift baskets you can see the "oh, more soap" look in their eye. So you know what? They're not getting anything this year ~ literally nothing. I can't afford to go BUY for everybody, and I'm no longer going to waste my time and materials on stuff they obviously don't want!

I have many customers on a daily basis that CHOOSE to buy my soaps, so that's good enough for me.

At the very least your friend could have done exactly what you stated ~ simply set out the soaps for display. Just because SHE can't/won't use them doesn't mean a GUEST can't/won't.

You can send them to me if you don't want them sitting around to you remind you of the event LOL

[adillenal]

NOw I can understand how you feel. Had that done to me once. My mother had me make something special for a friend of hers and the friend returned it and said she would never use it. I thought that was rude and although she was 40 years older than me, I always remembered that about her. Even if I don't like something and would never use it I would never think of handing it back to the giver and saying I don't want it or like it or whatever. I think that is totally rude and insensitive. Donate the item if your want to get rid of it. And I did take it personally and probably would again if someone did that to me.

Time will dull the memory but it just might always stay in the back of your mind whenever you see this person.

[Lifelace]

UUUGGGHHHH....you know I just read your story and got this yucky sinking feeling in my stomach. That is so incredibly rude on her part. The only thing I can think of is maybe she felt insulted as well that you would give her soap as a gift knowing her skin reactions. I KNOW you made those gentle soaps for her but maybe she didn't get that? I don't know. I just cannot see how you can give BACK a gift, Geeeesh! Just smile and say Thank You and either throw it out or give to someone else. I can understand her not wanting to use it for whatever reasons, it's the giving it back to you that bugs me. I just wanted to give you a cyber (((((HUG))))). My dad has been rude like that to me about gifts and I still am not over it, especially when it's a gift you made yourself too...I would be upset as well. BUT it's definitely not something worth fighting over or losing a friend over or anything like that, I figure in any relationship we all make mistakes, say or do hurtful things and we gotta forgive and accept we're all humans who make mistakes right? If she's a good friend then I'm sure you will get past that....it's still all <<fresh>> right now but soon you'll forget about this and only think about it once in a while and then just take a deep breath and shrug it off. I feel your pain though! A yucky think to have happen to anybody!

Melany

[brydean]

Thanks you all make me feel better! Glad to know I"m not the only one that has dealt with this! LOL

Yes, it was the fact that she gave it back that upset me. My own father and stepfather won't use my soap either, that doesn't bother me. I tease them, but I figure thats their choice. I think I would have prefered her throwing it away, at least I wouldn't have known about it! LOL

I do realize she is not the homemade type of person. Actually its a wonder we have been friends for so long. We are complete opposites in so many ways! Such as I don't think a dust bunny would even dare set foot in her house, were as mine has never turned one away!

The friendship will endure. I just won't give her any more soap! LOL:p

[cbv1]

I have had things like this happen to me too and it certainly does hurt my feelings. When something is made by hand, whether it is soap, food or clothing, you put a lot of time and effort into this. To have someone hand it back to you and say they would never use it is rude and thoughtless. I take these things to heart and don't understand why someone would purposely hurt me like that. But that is the thing, they don't understand that this is hurtful.

I had one lady I work with say she didn't like the smell of lavender in a sample body creme I gave her. She said she could still smell the oils in the creme. I gave her the creme as a freebie because she bought some of my soaps. I didn't ask her for a critique but I got one anyway. Yet my lavender body creme sells very well and at craft fairs people always rave about it. To each his own. I won't be giving this person anymore free body creme that is for sure!

[TheQueen]

I so agree with those who have taken these events personally. It is just plain RUDE to hand a gift back and say "I won't use this" because it IS a personal slap. If you don't like a gift just say thank you and either give it to someone else or throw it away. But don't tell the giver something so rude. My own mother has given me things over the years that I would never wear or use but I give her a big hug, say thank you Mommie, and stash it away. Or give it to Goodwill. Hey, anything anyone gives back to you just send it on to ME!

[mauimom]

There are people who won’t ever try real soap. .

I know people, yes, I’m talking about adults here, who refuse to believe milk comes from cows, or have suddenly developed lactose intolerance when they learned it. And one lady I know only found out a few years ago that meat is animal flesh. She still eats meat… but refuses to talk about it, LOL. We order a side of beef every year; it saves us about 50% on our meat bill. Good Angus beef. They love coming to our house for dinner but she refuses to order a side of beef. The idea of a half of cow in her freezer and she wouldn’t be able to eat she says. She only buys chicken parts, never a whole chicken now that she knows it once had feathers and walked around, either.

.

Grandma, you and I have some of the weirdest friends...and family members! My DH will not use my soap even tho we take a shower together and he tells me it smells good and I show him how the lather is.......what a dork! I always make my soaps plain and with just a little FO so that people will use it. I do not want it back! If you don't want it, regift it, for heaven's sake.

But I have to say that your friends are just a little weirder than mine. I don't think any of my friends don't know that meat comes from a cow or refuse to eat a whole chicken 'cause just eating part makes them feel better. Duh!

[topofmurrayhill]

People are pretty personal in their preferences for personal care items so personally I wouldn't take it personally.

[SueH]

One of my best friends just kinda smiles when I mention my soap. I gave her a bar in her favorite scent but she won't use it because she has her favorite brand and won't use anything else. I tried to talk her into at least washing her hands with it but she just gives me that smile.

[mindy5140]

I don't know why people would act like that, I personally love CP and HP soap. I don't make it but I love to use it. I could see the fear of making it but not using it, lol.

Mindy

[Tall Blonde]

I've pretty much stopped giving soap and lotion to friends and family for this same reason. You give them your wonderful soap and they give you a funny look and then never use it! Or you make a special lotion for someone and when you ask if they're using it they tell you "Oh yeah, I love it." But then you find out they never used it at all. But people are buying my soaps and lotions, so...whatever.

[gingerinarkansas]

I'd never tried "homemade" soap until someone on the forum sent me some. I can tell a huge difference in the quality and effect on the skin....I think it's great and I hope to try making it in the new year. People get in a routine and hate to change even if it's better. Just take a deep breath and put it out of your mind. It's their loss. Ginger