I'm scared

[ubure]

Hello,

I shaking and I'm scared. I think I have told you before that my business went down when I became ill and that I had really bad "press" in the internet on various boards.

I'm working really hard to get my business running this time but the last few days I have noticed several visitors from boards that had pulled me to pieces then. So I checked and found a thread: somebody had ordered wax from me and wondered if she could use it for massage candles etc. Then somebody wrote "OMG, this is her new shop...." The next posting was "So I shouldn't buy from there, right?"

I think it will all start again. They will bring it all up again and there it is, my new negative propaganda. I guess it doesn't matter that so far everybody got what he/she ordered when they hear that there were problems with orders in the past.

I'm scared and I'm already thinking of giving up at once. I won't be able to endure all this once more.

[marcuset]

If I were you, I'd ignore those boards.

[ubure]

You are probably right, I only fear it won't be so easy for me to do this. I'll try anyway. I just have to go on keeping up my business running as good as I can so nobody has cause for complaints. I'm nervous.

[EmJean]

Focus on your business and product, not the negative people. Don't check those boards anymore. I have the same fears starting my business and I know it will be my biggest challenge to overcome the fear of getting a bad review. There are just always going to be those people who you can't please no matter how hard you try. Don't let people like that make you give up!

[marcuset]

Beautifully put, EmJean. 100% right ;-)

[ubure]

Thank you so much for your support. I'm doing my best to be worth your backing!

[Guest OldGlory]

I'm a senior citizen and I have a different perspective.

I am a firm believer in perserverance, but not for the sake of it. There are times in your life when your peace of mind is worth more than your business/job. Sometimes you have to walk away and do something else rather than make yourself and your family crazy with worry.

Now, I don't know you, but if a good friend of mine had the ups and downs with a business that you've told us about, and came to me and said "I'm scared and shaking" I might tell her that maybe it's just not worth it, then help her find something else. Not everyone is cut out to be in the candlemaking business, and that isn't saying anything bad, just a fact. I love dogs but I'm not cut out to be a veterinarian. I love to eat salmon but I absolutely hate fishing.

If this business isn't good for your peace of mind, and you recognize it, you are that much closer to figuring out what WILL make you happy and fulfilled. (((Big hugs)) to you! You'll get it figured out one way or the other eventually.

[doglvr]

I think you have a very genuine concern. Unfortunately, cyber bullying extends to adults as well in this day and age on the internet. I read reviews on Amazon all of the time before making choices and I know others do as well, just as an example of the power of written words. I think what I would do at this point since it has started, is make your own Facebook page. Maybe you have one already. You can send out a heartfelt plea about second chances, you can do a humorous "about me" with "that's my story and I'm sticking to it" or approach it in several different ways, but I would do some sort of brief explanation about your new opening and second chance and explain (details are up to you) a little bit about how your dreams were put on hold because of an illness, etc. Tugging on heartstrings often stops even the cruelest of people in their tracks and more might be willing to overlook the past and give you that second chance if they were made aware of a reason for past negativity. You can even pull people to your side instead of the "pack" mentality continuing.

I watched a new company go completely down the drain a couple of years ago by the comments made on forums, so this is a genuine concern. You can have a great product, but with as widespread as it gets on the internet it can make or break you. If you decide to do this, I'd spend some time on the Facebook page as well chatting it up and becoming friendly to people. It's a little extra work, but might be worth it in the long run. Just make sure that you do indeed have a great product to offer.

Jackie

[ubure]

Thank you so much for your views and opinions! I had time to think a bit about it all. Yesterday was a bad day, worst in years. It started with lying awake in bed since 4 o'clock in the morning, then I got a panic attack which hasn't happened for many years. It was over pretty quickly, but it almost scared me to death. IN th evening another mini attack but enough to feel so bad. It wasn't only due to the cyber bullying but I guess it was all too much yesterday. In addition to this it seems I am coming down with something gastro-intestinal (my little one has the same complaints) so...

Old Glory, you said it correctly: this isn't what I want with all my heart to do. It was before all this crap started. On the other hand I started well this time and, to be honest, now it is going to run smoothly (there are other customers who aren't members of the said boards - in fact most of my current customers aren't there) and I still have to pay off some debts and current bills as well I will carry on. But I will make some decisive changes, for me and my health, e.g. reducing my time in front of the computer. Emails will be answered twice a day but I have to stop looking every two minutes. I won't work late into the nights and I will expand my delivery time from 3-5 days to 5-7 days (in most cases I am much quicker but I need to make sure that in critical times I have enough time for the orders. If it is all announced in the shop people can chose if they can wait that long and order or if they cannot. I cannot work like somebody with a staff and therefore cannot offer the same customer service like such businesses.

To be honest: some day I'd love to live much simpler, trying to get the most out of our vegetable garden and fruit trees and bushes, taking care of my chicken....it won#t make any money but we could save some money by living more from the land, not having to buy all vegetables and fruit, having meat and eggs. We already do but it could be much more expanded. I always said that I'm no sales person and that is still true.

doglvr, you had a great idea, thank you so much! But I have apologized so many times and I have gone through such bad times I think it is enough now. Whoever wants to bash me, fine. I don't care anymore. I cannot care anymore.

Thanks!

[moonshine]

I completely agree with old glory and doglvr

Worry is wasted energy- I have done this half my life and am now medicated for it....it is not worth it- just do your thing and keep expanding without worry of the others- stay away from the boards that have negativity and if you have worked out your past issues and mistakes within your business you will be fine, if you have a great product with great customer service more people will come��

I also wanted to add you can incorporate an incentive to customers by giving them a free gift for every new referal that purchased from you

Edited January 28, 2014 by moonshine

[JennaV]

A little story to tell you about perseverance, 4 and half yrs ago I purchased a Percheron/Frisian colt at 6mos of age his breeder told me he was to short (height) and had a nasty temperament (rare for a draft/cold blood) but I loved his fire in my mind he was all heart, so I posted pics of my boy on a horse forum when he was about two yrs old and let me tell you what these women tore me and my horse apart, called him short, fat, big headed, said he toed out, called me unknowledgeable about horses, called him a mutt and everything you could think of under the sun. Percheron breeders said he was crap, Frisian breeders said he should have been aborted they told me on both sides he would never be able to compete with their pure breeds (which is hilarious to me because most horses have been crossed with other breeds to make "purebreds") anyway we pushed on and on October 19th we suited up our boy with tack and harness and he competed against 14 percherons, 9 belgiums and 5 Clydesdale on a single horse pull competition. he out pulled EVERY single one of them!!!!! yes even the mighty, mighty percheron! I was so scared that day and I almost withdrew him from the competition when I saw what he was competing against, but ive come to realize that it was never in Apollos size and brute strength. it was in his heart, so today I sit with my horse and my trophy sticking my tongue out at all those that ridiculed him. And yes I will be out again next year with him and the year after and the year after.......people are bullies their product/children/pets/husbands/friends/family are all better than yours!!! this is what they want you to believe as it eliminates the competion

[doglvr]

Wow, great story! And good for you. It is amazing how cruel even adults have become in the more modernized world where for a moment they can use their fingers to become "experts" without even thinking of the ramifications of their comments. It seems like good spreads slowly and bad spreads like wildfire. "Monkey see, Monkey do" and we wonder why so many kids today seem to have lost empathy towards others. We need only look at their parents usually. It's such a delicate balance in the business world online where people can remain anonymous. Scares me to pieces at times.

[ubure]

Hello moonshine,

so you know what I am talking about, concerning worries. I know it isn't worth it, it is just not that easy to stop it. It is like a never ending story - if one problem seems to be solved another comes up. Today I had a look at our bank account, uuuuuggggghhhhh. Really don't know how to manage it if sales go down or better said don't increase. I really don#t need bad press at the moment (but fortunately the board stauys calm, no negative postings there. Haven#t been there for a few days now and won#t go there again, but I can see that people from over there visit my shop.

I'll start a Valentine's day offer today in my shop.

Have a nice, worry-free day and a bit of sunshine! (We won#t have sunshine but I pray for some)

[moonshine]

Yes I do know first hand- my anxiety was not over my candle business- it started actually when my kids became teenagers and when I had to start becoming more involved in my husbands companies. You don't want it to escalate into panic attacks- I have had many to where ER knows me by first name! Lol

Easier said than done but just take it one day at a time and relax about it and do not keep up on those boards and what's circulating - focus on you and your product

[ubure]

Thanks again you all - high time to rethink a lot of things.

Moonshine, I have had my share of depression, anxiety and panic attacks (not because of any business, it started as ppostpartal depression, with both my boys - means 12 years of hell, more or less. Don#t ever want to go there again.

[annie123]

I do all of my business online and 99% is positive, with many repeat customers.

I had one nasty episode with a young girl on my Facebook page. By young I mean early 20s, I do not know who raised some of these girls but they don't teach them manners.

It's pretty much, my way, NOW and F YOU!

Some of them just like to create DRAMA for the fun of it. Many of them just want free stuff to start with and there is no real defending yourself because it is their word against yours.

If you want a fresh start you could always change your business name.

Just make sure that you can handle the stress that comes with running a business and good luck!

[ubure]

Thank you all again for your honest but also kind words - I mustn't forget my customers who are loyal, friendly and who love my products (and who have repeatedly ordered since my re-opening in August/September), they keep me going.

Have a nice evening (it is 8.15 pm here, it is dark - of course - cold and I'm tired.....but I'll watch Sons of Anarchy today, some eye candy for my tired eyes....*lol*)

[ubure]

Just had to return on this because I've seen that my "main enemy" from the past is active again. She told her forum members she had done some research and found out that I was suffering from a peripartal psychic illness (I never made a secret out of this, I told my customers what it was why I had problems - but I'm no looney and I - so far:wink2: - I haven#t killed anybody) and she just had to stop it and save so many people from financial problems with me. So she warns everybody not to buy in my shop. In another forum a member mentioned her posting (it was one or two days ago) and that she won#t buy anything. Two of the senior members stepped in for me telling the others that this was years ago, that they didn#t have problems then and they would buy some fos in the near future. Nice of them, really, and I am so thankful, but this other woman will do me some harm, I feel it.

Edited February 22, 2014 by ubure

[ChandlerWicks]

Can you post on the forums shes posting on? If so, let everyone know you're better now, happy, back in business! If anyone had a problem with you that wasn't resolved, to please let you know on that very forum & you'll take care of them. Don't fight, apologize, don't do anything but say I'm so sorry for any issues that happened while I was ill. & then fix the issues. Did you even do anything wrong? That should shut her up, right?

[ubure]

No, I'm not allowed to that forum. She is the owner and she decides about members. In the past she dissed so many members who dared to disagree to her. Now she has her faithful followers. I always remember her as "do not worship other gods", sort of. I don't even mind too muhc she is telling people not to buy at my shop but she implicated that as someone with peripartal depression is not to be trusted anyway as she must be insane. This is so exceedingly outrageous and one of the reasons women suffering from this illness don't dare to tell anybody because they fear to be regarded as insane and dangerous. Should I report her to the police? She crosses a line, I feel.

[ChandlerWicks]

Ok, I'd try to stop worrying & leave it alone. Sounds like she has loyal groupie type followers, most of us know not to believe what those type of people say , so you're good!

[marcuset]

Ubure, I think you were brave to be so honest & forthright. I don't think many would have the guts & courage to speak as you have. I don't know that the police could do anything, unless she has threatened to harm you or your family & you can prove it. I would think a civil suit may be more what will stop her, but in all practicality, would it be worth it for you health-wise, money-wise & time? I think you're a kind, brave soul & I wouldn't give this person any more power over you than she craves. She isn't worth it, but you are. JMO.

[ubure]

Thank you, you are probably right. I only fear she will focus on me again and spread her views on my person wherever she can. But I agree it would not be worth it if I sued her. She would only say that I try to stop her from telling the truth or whatever.

[moonshine]

Your going to make yourself sick worrying about her... Worry is wasted energy- put your energy into pushing forward and continuing your business, when people see that you haven't gone anywhere they will question her integrity - not yours

Don't react or respond or defend- keep posting your products and incentives and give the best customer service ever

[ubure]

Thank you again, this is what I will do. I've noticed that I spent so many hours yesterday thinking about her, feeling this urge to get revenge (stupid, right?). In these hours I could have thought of nice things that make me happy (I need to do this anyway because I often forget that not everything is bad here when I get drowned in my problems) or a new idea for my business. It is time wasted and she has won the moment I spend so much time thinking of her. But if this bullying doesn't stop or if it widens I will have to take action.

There is one thing however I got resolved about: I have a lot of thing to do to improve my customer service, my shop etc. Due to her, I guess, I became much more aware of it. Maybe I should send her a Thank You- card?