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Newbies Tutorial . . . It's LONG

Arch Rock

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So after a 15 year hiatus, I wanted nothing more than to start up again.

Well, my best advice is, don't quit your day job.

After seeing 8 clients today (the snow yesterday forced everyone into wanting a session today).

Trouble is, I ran into an old friend last week (The American Soy Guy) who owns a florist business who said, "I'm having a Valentine's Day gig - bring your stuff".

Okay, so I'm in pretty good shape with 25 well-tested fragrances so I"ll bite.  And also, he has his eye on a new building where there would be room for my retail rise from the ashes.  Sweet.

Do I have Valentine stuff ready to roll?  Not really, but I can gimp.  My name to fame which I have yet to post pics is that I use old fruit crate labels and unlicensed vintage stuff for my labels instead of my logo.  That's what set me apart from the rest eons ago.  I never liked "Yankee" screaming in my kitchen so I made or free-licensed awesome fruit or laxative labels ("Fig" the natural laxative!)

So I use Word to lay out my designs, usually 12 per page.  Go to the printer.  They're awesome.  "Yeah, I remember you."  Cool.  Print these up in color.  I got the 2 year-old grandson with me which is more information than I can reasonably print here.

Pour like crazy all last weekend.  120 jars of varying sizes because that's what the florist friend is looking for.  Unfortunately, not all 25 scents are tested in all sizes, so the gimp continues.

Enter stage left my new-found desire for eco-friendly lids.  The kraft paper lids look awesome but only with kraft labels.  Trouble is, I printed some on my own printer and the Professional Printer's kraft paper doesn't match.  The kraft paper lids now look like Sunshine.  The grandson is left to watch Netflix cartoons and eat grapes out of the refrigerator Saturday morning.  All's well.

More clients with serious demands on Monday.  I'm pouring in between sessions out in the "candle shed" - a 20x20 that requires a gas mask.  It leaves red marks on my face and my clients ask if I've been crying.  Yes, sort of, but it's because I care.

Fast forward to tonight at 10:30.  Last client at 7:00.  Topping off the last three fragrances.  Cleaning another 100 jars like crazy and applying safety stickers.  At 10:30 I realize I can't find the Victorian Valentine's day vintage post card labels I THOUGHT the printer had printed last week.  Can't find the thumb drive I gave to the printer.  Searching frantically through the car and all coat pockets.  Now also looking for cigarettes.  The ones I quit 10 months ago.  I have no Valentine's labels for my very demanding, very gay, extremely creative friend who I promised a great mini candle-show.  I also have secured two other small wholesale accounts I sold to years ago who I thought I could peddle new designs to tomorrow over coffee in the morning.  This is not going to happen even though I rescheduled 4 difficult clients.

Printed out the Valentine's day labels in black and white, cut them out, and taped them to the tops of the jars which I"ve packed up so when I get the color labels printed, I will know which fragrance gets which label.  Also included are beautiful displays of fake red roses, silver dishes, some fancy potpourri . . . you get the picture.  My plan is to hit the printer's as early as possible, beg and plead to get the color Valentine labels printed, cut out and applied to the candles, and set up my display at my florist friend's place, drive back to my house, see three clients, drive back to the florist's, see how the Valentine's day gig is going (a local winery who has advertised in both newspaper and radio will be there), and reschedule the other two wholesale account meetings.  A hot mess I could not have orchestrated better myself.  Hoping you all have a better day pending.

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